LOL! So I should stay single because I have a child? OK
Ok ok ok, I'm back again I hope you're all blessed, my Lord we're in August! Where is the time flying to? August and I'm not even married with 3 kids yet? Somebody call the ambulance I think I'm gonna faint!
Looool for real though I wanted to touch on the subject of “How do you find telling guys you have a child?”. When someone first asked me this I laughed. Some people are really intrigued and if I'm honest with you, I have only started hearing this question of recent! I don't know if I've mentioned previously but I have never really been so fussed on settling down and being in a relationship until about 2 years ago and I'm 28 (I know I look 16 don't tell anyone). My main focus has ALWAYS been just wanting to make sure I have a roof over my head, working real hard, making sure LA (my boom boom, the most precious thing on earth to me) is never wanting! I also have God to thank as He has kept me and made sure that I have never struggled to a point where I cannot cope.
“May the LORD bless you and keep you. May the LORD show you his kindness and have mercy on you. May the LORD watch over you and give you peace".
Numbers 6:24-26
I never had a REAL DESIRE, until recently, to be married. I have always been content in my singleness I haven't longed for a partner or been in despair I never even thought about marriage. Even after I had my son with his dad I never thought let's get married because I've brought shame on my family and I do thank God my family never made me do that because we aren't even together anymore and haven't been for years.
But back to question “How do I find telling guys I have a child”? I don't find it anyhow, I never have but the more I was asked this question the more I thought oh wow having a child clearly is a big deal for some people. I had never seen how this could be an issue, but I now do understand the issues around it. Don't get me wrong I did start to doubt myself a little and I started to think what if I'll never get into a relationship but that thought didn't last long because I just focused on God, because in Proverbs 23:7 it clearly states For as he thinks in his heart, so is he and I am not trying to be that way. I try not to let negative thoughts have their way with me!
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
II Timothy 1:7
As much as it's not cool having a child out of wedlock it isn't a shame it's nothing to be embarrassed and/or ashamed of. That being said, you don't need to post your child all over social media because I don't believe kids should really be exposed like that anyway BUT I do think that you should be able to be open and honest about it.
I have always believed that when the RIGHT GOD SENT person comes along they will love me and everything about me. I'm not gonna sit here and write about the problems with dating someone with a child because that's the guys problem and should stay far away from me lol but I also understand that everyone has their preference.
Having a child out of wedlock is not a disability it's not the end of the world it is a blessing from God!
“Children are a gift from the LORD; babies are a reward.”
Psalms 127:3
I asked my friend Dara what her thoughts were on marriage, despite having a child from a previous relationship. I wondered if she found it hard but her response was that she asked that God to make the transition easy as she wondered when the right time to introduce a man to her son was. She's married to her husband Michael whom she met at church and as they both went to the same church it was easy because he already knew her son and the introduction was easier. You can read about her journey and buy her book SEVENTY: A Work in Progress on www.beingdara.com
I honestly believe that if a person cannot accept you for who you are and what you come with they are not for you! I've heard of stories where men and women will keep the fact that they have a child from the person they're seeing because they're afraid the person will leave, lol! You need to let them go because they clearly aren't for you. If you don't feel like you can be honest and open with the person you're dating then they surely aren't for you.
I would say if you're a person that doesn't have a child but the person you're pursuing does, you have to make sure that the doors are closed on the past with the child's parent and proper arrangements are in place as to when the child sees their parent etc. A conversation with the child depending on age will also be good introducing them to your partner and also introducing your partner to the mother or father of your child is always good too. Only do these things if you're in a serious and committed relationship and marriage is where you're headed to. I don't believe in bringing confusion to a child's life; there is no need to introduce them to every person you start dating.
I think it's best to tell the person you're getting to know about your child in the first few conversations because it allows them to make a decision on continuing to get to know you before having invested feelings.
Remember children are a blessing from God, when the right guy comes along he will love you and everything you come with!
